Dreeeeeeeeam... dream, dream, dream

Oh, Everly Brothers.  Your song is sticky in my brain matter.

But since we're there, I thought I'd share my awesome dream.  Awesome as in insanely scary.  Lots of it left me.  But what is sticking most, is the desire to die.  I genuinely wanted to die.  And that was unnerving when I awoke and the sensation lingered.

Skipping the weird nonsensical dream whatnot, skip to the community I lived in being overtaken by a hostile group of Nazi-like soldiers.  They gathered me and the other people in this community while we were having some sort of block party/bbq or something and sat us all down in rows of folding chairs, as if we were attending an outdoor assembly.  We were then told we were prisoners.  We were with or against them.  If we weren't with them, we were officially at war with them.  We were given one chance to defect and join their ranks... but we were told we would be making and throwing firebombs at the rest of the community {our own families, friends, loved ones}.  One man I was friends with stood up and was sent to the fire room.  I remember feeling distrust.  As if he were going to meet a fate WORSE than being forced to attack and burn his family and friends.  I sat, rigidly in fear, absolutely certain that I was going to die and not quickly.  In a horrible way.  I became clear that I and everyone I loved was going to suffer.  And it was unbearable. 

I began planning how to take my own life.  Where could I get a weapon?  What could I use as a weapon if a traditional one couldn't be found?  Not to fight back.  It would be pointless to fight against the thousands of troops from who knows where.  I wanted to avoid the torture I knew was coming.  I wanted... I NEEDED to die. 

Lots of craziness ensued, of course.  Panic of the highest degree.

Fast forward....

I was taken to a dark room where a man {who smelled like beer and sweat} with a tool I can only describe as bladed pliers, explained how he was going to start with my toes and fingers.  He was going to use this tool to strip the flesh and meat off my bones.  Slowly, one by one.  He didn't want anything from me.  Not information or some item I could give him.  It was hopeless.  The situation simply was.  I awoke as he life my bare foot and I clenched my eyes shut so tight it hurt and willed myself to die of... anything.  Heart attack, stroke, seizure.... SOMEthing. 

It was terrifying. 

YAY pregnancy dreams and all their vivid awesomeness.