I'm so happy that I can't stop crying

I sat at the table last night and couldn't help but just cry.  Everything hurts.  Everywhere.  And I am just so damn sick of it.  There is no relief.  Ever.  Even the f***ing hiccups I have most of the time (and yes, I mean most of the time.  I have them all friggin' day and when I wake at night) hurt like hell.  I just can't do it anymore.  I can't.  But.  I have to.  It just became a black hole of misery and self loathing last night.  I tried not to.  But I just cried.  Then took a bath.  Then went to bed. 

I went to CareNow this morning.  Because I woke up with a screaming pain in my left wrist one day last week.  After some weird wrist bending tests, the doctor told me I have De Quervain's Tendinosis. 

"De Quervain's tendinitis occurs when the tendons around the base of the thumb are irritated or constricted. The word "tendinitis" refers to a swelling of the tendons. Thickening of the tendons can cause pain and tenderness along the thumb side of the wrist. This is particularly noticeable when forming a fist, grasping or gripping things, or when turning the wrist."

Awesome.  Upon hearing that there was nothing I could do about it except splint it up and wait for it to heal on it's own, in about 4 to 6 weeks, I burst into hysterical tears.  I'd had it.  It's too much.  If I hadn't been so completely overwhelmed, I would have laughed.  That poor doctor's face.  He was SO shocked and immensely uncomfortable.  But I couldn't stop sobbing.  I was still crying (the ugly cry) when I left.  Makeup and mascara smeared across my face in some macabre mask of grossness.  I wanted to drive away from my life and never come back.  But it was myself I was trying to leave behind, so I rethought the intelligence of that and surrendered to the hopelessness of my entire being for right now.  :(  Ugh.  I want to sleep until all this is over.  Or.. just sleep for a period of time longer than an hour without waking up would be nice, too. 

I'd already had a splint, and had, in fact, worn it up there, so at least I didn't have to spend the $50 they wanted to charge me for a $15 wrist splint.  Geez. 

I did feel mildly better after getting to work and running into some ladies who just made me feel... better.  I dunno.  Not in some trying to cheer me up way.  Just being encouraging and empathetic to my plight.  And being excited for the end result.  Which people sometimes gloss over when they're telling me how massively humungous I am compared to the moon.  :/  It was really nice to just have someone just tell me they wanted me to text them when this whole thing happened.  Because they just wanted to know.  Maybe that's weird.  ::shrugs::

Anyway, tonight's bunco night.  Which is good.  I need a laugh.  Or I might cry.  Again.